You know what sucks? When you’re ready, you’re willing, you’re capable of helping or of doing something for someone and they don’t want you. They think they don’t need you. The very fact that you offer yourself, you want to be there and be helpful to them seems to be overlooked, unappreciated. It’s fine if there are one or two or even three instances like that. I understand that there are issues that other people will be better confidantes for. I realize that I might not understand or that I'm not what people are looking for when they’re looking for a sympathetic ear. I don’t blame them. It’s just that I feel so…useless, and like I keep putting myself out there without any acknowledgment or reciprocation. Like I said, I don’t expect everyone (or anyone, really) to want me as a helper most of the time. It’s not a big deal. The issue is that if I’m supposed to be a friend, or to matter; shouldn’t my effort and willingness to be that listening, sympathetic person be appreciated or at the very least acknowledged?

At this point, it doesn’t seem to be. I’m not sure if it’s an issue that should just be ignored or if I should keep it in the back of my mind to be aware of. Does this person realize what they are doing? Do they know they’re pushing me away, is it intentional and planned or a by-product of too many other things going on?

Right now, I feel like I don’t matter, that my time means nothing; that their word is losing its potency and this friend isn't someone I can rely on or place hope in.

That makes me so sad.

Edit 11-26-2008
This isn't directed towards anyone who might chance upon this blog. ^_^